Kids...

I had a conversation with Spiderman today. No lie.
This family of five - two parents, two extremely rowdy boys, and one extremely bratty girl - came in to our office today to get new cards. It turns out that the oldest boy, who was about four years old, had taken it upon himself to glue their old cards to the floor. Very creative, that one.
So as the parents are trying to get out identification for themselves and their three children, the youngest boy, Zack, wanders over to our security guard and starts a conversation. Zack is probably only about two and a half years old, and I can't make out a lot of what he's saying to the guard. However, it's about this time that Zack's mom realizes that her son is all the way across the lobby, talking to a complete stranger. As probably any mom would do, the woman calls to her son, "Come here, Zack." Now Zack is a lively little man, and he seems to be displeased with his mother's command, because he shoots her a look, crosses his arms and says, "I not Zack! I Spiderman!"
The mother, looking a bit humiliated, just sighs and says, "OK, come here Spiderman." She had obviously been through this before.
As he's crossing the lobby, a little old lady who's sitting on the front row starts talking about what a cute little boy Zack is. This is clearly a bad idea because Zack is a boy's boy, and it's my guess that calling him cute really doesn't sit well with him, because this time Zack squares off with the lady and shouts, "I not cute! I SPI-DER-MAN!" This kid was not backing down. Score two for Spiderman.
So as Zack is moving closer and closer, I make a mental note to call him Spiderman. Zack's obviously not afraid of making scenes, and nobody really wants to be called out in public. So I pointedly say, "Hey there, Spiderman." Zack seems temporarily pleased with himself, but it's at this point that his very smug eight-year-old sister looks at me and rolls her eyes. "You know his name's not really Spiderman, silly. It's Zack."
May God bless the parents of those three.