Always Looking Ahead...
One of the things that I've really noticed lately is my inability to be content. I'm generally happy - that's not the problem. It's the fact that I'm never ever content with anything. Here are some instances:
-You know the house that Kevin and I bought less than a year ago - the one that I was so ecstatic about for so long in the cute little neighborhood that I loved so much...I'm now pushing to sell it so that we can build another one. I don't know why - there's nothing wrong with our house. It's less than 4 years old, and we're very comfortable in it. But I keep thinking ahead to when/if we have kids, and how crowded they would feel in the two bedrooms, because they aren't very big. But here's the problem: I don't have kids, and I don't plan on having kids for quite some time, so why worry about this now, when we have more than enough space for the two of us? But even as I write this, I'm picturing in my head, my new home.
-I've been doing Weight Watchers since November, and I've now lost 15 pounds, which is 5 pounds more than I had hoped to lose. I should be content with this, and yet something in my brain keeps saying that if I keep trying, I can lose another 10 pounds. Rationally, I can look at the scale and tell myself that I don't need to lose weight, but when I look in the mirror, the only things I can see are my problem areas. And I keep thinking that if I can just take off 5 - 10 more pounds, I'll be content with my body. This is a problem, I know.
-I'm never ever content with my salary. I just got a raise two weeks ago, and I'm already looking ahead to my next one and how much easier things will be when I'm making more money. This is strange, because even as I say that, I know how blessed I am to have the life that I have, and to make at least a decent salary, but still - I look ahead to December, when I will get another cost of living adjustment. How freaking sad is that? And how hypocritical...
-School. I wanted to be a journalist, got my degree, decided I didn't want to do it, so I went to work for the government. Wanted to be a teacher, got my paperwork started to go back to school and get my certification. Backed out. Wanted to be a lawyer. Took the LSAT, passed, got accepted to law school, and decided I was happy with the government. You don't have to tell me what a freak I am, I already know.
Seriously, will I ever just be content?
posted by Courtney O. @ 5:29 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I think you're absolutely normal. Very ambitious, but normal. The only thing that should be a concern is the weight issue. Don't let that get out of control...
I think its normal given what country we live in. Its the American way to never be content. Always want more. Consume consume consume. But I do think its impotant to find contentment in things now. Not that I do that. But I want to.
Yeah, I want to also, but I don't think that's possible at this point. I keep thinking that I'm somehow progressing though. In my teens, I was discontent and insecure, so I never felt comfortable talking about the fact that I wasn't totally happy in every aspect of life. Now, I'm discontent and less insecure, so I can discuss my vulnerabilities. Perhaps in my 30's, I'll actually rid myself of them...
I also think it's funny that I can't even find contentment in my discontentment...like I have to gripe about the fact that I'm never happy. It's a big, vicious cycle.
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