Saturday, February 21, 2009

Little Monsters

Last night I was hanging out with some friends at Hooters, when another friend comes in with his kids in tow. The kids ranged in age from 9 - 12 years old, which I didn't initially give much thought to...I actually really like most kids. They're typically silly, funny and real. I appreciate this about them.

So I'm sitting there, making random conversation with these seemingly nice little miniatures: "How's school?" "Do you play sports?" etc., when all of a sudden the ringleader of the group busts out with, "Your mama's so stupid, she went to work for an M&M Factory and got fired for throwing out all the W's!"
Before I could even gather my thoughts, the next kid looks at me and jumps in, "Your mama's so fat, she walked in front of the TV and I missed three commercials!"
Oh my. Funny, but still...oh my.
But the real kicker was when the innocent baby girl of the group - 8 years old at the most - joins in the fun, "Your mama's so fat, she walked outside wearing a yellow jacket and the sun said, 'You win'.

I was "Your mama" tag teamed by these three little monsters. But I'm a good sport. I laugh. Whatever. Until the ringleader jumps back in, "You're kinda fat. Well maybe not fat, but fluffy for sure." And then he threw a gang sign at me!

So at this point, I'm just over it. I'm not 12. I don't have to take this crap! YOU'RE FLUFFY!! (These are the thoughts that are going through my mind as I leave the table and join some other friends at a big-boy table, sans the gang sign- throwing, mama-insulting, name-calling monster squad.

It was at this point that I was fully reminded why it was that I hated elementary school. And why it is that I'm a little scared to ever have children...