Lake Snobby Pants

This weekend was alright. We were on the 19th floor, which I wasn't crazy about at first, but we had an amazing view of the lake. I learned that watching the lake is not enough, in and of itself, to occupy my mind for an entire weekend.
It was bizarre though. We did not see one other person on our entire floor at all throughout the weekend. And though the room was huge, with living room and kitchenette, it was extremely dark. Why would somebody be like, "No worries. People have a kitchen. They don't need to SEE." I need the light, damn it. So we swam, we walked the lake, we played pool and went to the outlet mall, and then on Saturday night we unanimously voted to leave early and come home, where there are LIGHTS and clean sheets (I always feel so dirty in hotels...).
The whole resort was so weird. The staff was evidently trained not to make eye contact with the guests. And they made it a point to jump clear off the sidewalk any time we walked anywhere in their vicinity. When we checked out early, the girl at the front desk was like, "Did you enjoy your stay, Mrs. Olson? I hope there weren't problems, Mrs. Olson. Please come back and see us soon, Mrs. Olson." (She was staring at the ground while saying this.)
It was so uncomfortable.
I'm 25! Call me Courtney.
I've never been so happy to get home, where people make eye contact with me and call me by my first name.
So, I'm thinking of getting Kevin a Playboy subscription for our anniversary. It's the gift that keeps on giving, and I know he'd like it. Is that too ghetto?